December 23, 2006

Carl Spackler, Take One

Filed under: homeowning, humor — Brian @ 11:48 am

Comments here and at Jennifer’s place have netted two suggestions for mole “control”: a fine looking spring-loaded spike system (ignore the domain name in that link) and powdered fox pee urine.

mole trap Positives on the spikes:
1 – evil-looking
2 – retains evidence of effectiveness …
Negatives on the spikes:
1 – might impale other stuff
2 – gotta mail-order it
powdered-cat-pee Positives on the feral cat pee urine:
1 – It’s a powdered liquid, which is always good for a brain-teaser.
2 – While we’re brain-teasing, how do they collect this stuff? I want to support whoever’s job that is, just out of sympathy and the hope that they might invite me to come observe the process some day.
3 – It’s called “rodent powder” – as though reconstituting it would result in rodents, and not sewage.
Negatives on the evaporated feline excretions:
1 – gotta mail-order it.
2 – no direct evidence of effictiveness. Gotta wait and see.

All of which leads, clearly, to chewing gum:

I read on the Internet that if you poke Juicy Fruit gum (not just any gum) into the trails of the moles, the moles go away. I have been unable to gain clarity on exactly how this works, but it offers the following advantages:

1 – Inexpensive.
2 – This is not gum’s intended purpose.
3 – Wrigley’s is from Chicago, and therefore deserves my support.
4 – This will be funnier than the other options if it works.

These outweigh the fact that this method comes with the same downside as the cat drippings: no body.

Ten pieces poked into the tunnels (which are more extensive than I last checked. My whole backyard is squishy.)

Here we go, mole.



1 Comment »

  1. I’ve never heard of that one but let me know how it works. Sounds like it may provide the tangible reward of bodies, if they die from getting gummed up. I especially liked the columnist’s warning never to swallow whole moles, lest you die of molestation like the seagull did…how utterly disgusting!

    Comment by gwynne — December 23, 2006 @ 2:14 pm

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