May 9, 2006

Break’s Over

Filed under: beanquest — Brian @ 6:26 am

OK, I think I’m back, now. I just needed some time away from the “work” of keeping the blog up. I’ve been far busier than I wanted to be, and the blog was the least-painful thing to neglect.

Nah – I was going to list everything I’m doing, but then I’m afraid some of you might feel obligated to read it.

My post about taking a break started as something else. I changed it because I didn’t want anyone to worry about the reason for my break – it was truly to just to get a little time.

My grandfather died two weeks and a day after Dave did. He was 94. He died quickly and (it would seem) painlessly. Right after finishing his ice cream after a nice lunch – he squeezed in one final earthly pleasure before he went. His wife (my grandma) had died about ten years earlier, and he’d kind of wanted to follow her quickly, but somehow didn’t manage to do that. He was healthy and himself up to the very end of his time here. He was here for 94 years. We were never very close, but I had a great respect for him, and am glad to have known him.

So, I have been busy with overlapping responsibilities at home, and trips to Chicago. I’ve spent a lot of time with Jenn (*my* lovely bride) in the evenings talking about Dave and death and wondering about the hereafter that is now so obviously real and good and peaceful. And better for having my friend and my last grandpa there.

I no longer fear death for myself. I do fear it for the pain and disruption it will cause for those left behind, but I do not fear for myself. I know — I know — that what comes next is so much better. I’ve been growing enormously, along with Jenn, in the days since Dave’s death. His death was a life-changing event for me. I miss him dearly – and I would trade the growth in a second if I could have him back – but I am a better person now than I was before.

I’ve just been a very *busy* better person.



  1. I’ve enjoyed…that’s not actually the word, is it? Perhaps appreciated is better… your posts (and Jenn’s as well) about “Dave and death and wondering about the hereafter.” I commend you for your willingness and courage in taking us on the journey with you. That can’t be easy, despite the fact that it is probably helpful (no discipline is pleasant at the time, right?) for you.

    Welcome back.

    Hope your busyness lifts soon (I hope the same for myself too at this point).

    Comment by Jim — May 9, 2006 @ 8:21 am

  2. Welcome back, Bryan. You were just waiting for our request for an encore, weren’t you? ;-) Like Jim said, I appreciate you and Jennifer sharing your growth experiences. It challenges me to think about it as well. Loss is just so darned difficult for those left behind, but I trust that it is the best experience that the departed has ever known. I’m sorry to hear about your Grandpa. God bless him.

    Comment by Gwynne — May 9, 2006 @ 5:42 pm

  3. Thanks for the welcome, Jim. I know you’re a busy guy, too! Mine will lift soon – I just need to get focused and take care of a few things and it’ll be manageable again.

    Gwynne – I’ll have more to say about what I’ve learned and seen since Dave’s accident. I am absolutely amazed at how the world is different to me now. I feel like I’ve gotten this sneak peek into the Everything, courtesy of (or maybe just “on behalf of”) my friend. It’s been an amazing comfort, and the reason I’m as OK as I am.

    Comment by Brian — May 9, 2006 @ 7:05 pm

  4. God is good during times of loss isn’t he? I’m glad that you can see the light through the pain and my thoughts are with you and Jennifer.

    Comment by Rachel — May 9, 2006 @ 8:55 pm

  5. I got way too busy myself…too busy to notice that you were back in the saddle, and for that I apologize. But I’m glad you’re back and healing.

    Comment by Eric — May 13, 2006 @ 4:37 pm

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